My toes gripped the slippery steps like little leeches as I inched my way to the top. I was going to try this again. I knew this would be my last chance, but it certainly didn’t help that everyone was staring at me. There was much to fear. Death. Embarassment. Pain.
Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten, I counted each stair as I had done every day for the past two weeks of swimming lessons. I was once again at the top of the diving board at our Town Pool. At the end of each lesson, we were allowed to leap off that board into the water. My friends loved it! In fact, everyone made it look so easy. Yet, as each lesson drew to a close, I began to feel the fear welling up inside me. Because I was too shy to say no to my coaches, every day I climbed those stairs. Every day I walked slowly to the end of that long diving board. Every day I tried swallowing the big lump lodged in my throat. Every day, I focused on the sparkling blue water beneath me, and prepared to jump. Every single day for two weeks, I turned around and walked all the way back on the board, and climbed down those ten stairs to the safety of dry land.
Can’t she swim? You wonder…. Afraid of heights? You think. Neither of those were the case – I was a great swimmer, and was never afraid of high places. Yet, when I was balanced on the end of that wobbly diving board, I felt unsafe and extremely fearful. My family encouraged me each morning. “You can do it, Suzy” my parents would say to me. “Just close your eyes and jump”, my little brother would advise. Their well-meaning advice had no affect on me – I could simply not drum up enough courage to take=2 0that leap of faith.
So, here I was once again, balanced precariously above the icy blue water. I could hear the shouts of the kids in the line behind me: “GO!” “It’s not that high, just JUMP!” “Hurry Up!!!” “Come ON Suzy, let’s GO already!!”. I could also hear the cries of parents glued against the fence as they encouraged me to leap – “Go ahead, Honey – you can do it!” “Today’s the day, Suzy!” I wasn’t convinced they were right.
As I stood there at the end of the board, a million thoughts raced through my mind. Then, I realized: “What’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like I’m going to die…… There are lifeguards everywhere!” I laughed out loud at the thought. With the shouts and yelling getting louder, I was feeling that the time was now, or never (or at least not this summer).
Finally, I tuned out the roar of the crowd around me. I pushed my fear deep down inside of me, as I took a deep, deep breath. With a quick count to three, and a little bounce on the board, I was in the air, and heading towards the water below. Before I knew it, the cool water washed over me in a wave of relief. Even below the surface of the water, I could already hear the cheers and the clapping. It was a memorable day fo r everyone at the Walpole Town Pool.
Overcoming my fear that summer is something I’ll never forget. I’m still not crazy about jumping off of diving boards. But, at least I know that I faced my fear, and lived to tell about it.