It was a year ago today… A rainy Sunday and my husband and I were showing our rental cottage to a Navy couple hoping they’d rent for the winter. As they explored the yard with my husband Kevin, I was making the bed in the master bedroom. All of a sudden, I lost my balance, my vision doubled, and I could barely whisper for help. I crashed onto the bed, where I thought I’d wait out the “dizzy spell”. By the time they were back in the cottage, I was able to stand up and join them. I’ll never forget the way the three of them looked at me. I remember saying I wasn’t feeling well, and Kevin told me to go lay down for a bit. However, all three of them followed me into the bedroom as I curled up on the bed.
“I think she’s having a stroke”, said Chris, the husband who was interested in renting our cottage.
His wife, Courtney panicked a bit, not wanting to mess up this rental. “Are you sure??”.
Chris then asked Kevin…. “How far is the hospital?” With Kevin’s answer being “Five Minutes…”, Chris told us to head straight there. They said they would close up the cottage, helped buckle me in the car, and we headed to the Tobey Hospital Emergency Room.
There are so many details to make this a VERY long story… but the key details:
- We caught the stroke so quickly we could take advantage of a early-intervention clot-busting medicine. It had a 40% success rate and a 7% death rate. Awesome. We agreed to it.
- They could not med-flight me to Boston, so I was driven in torrential downpours to Brigham. My EMT was NOT happy with his driver as he hit every pothole and puddle….. Insert F-Bombs HERE: _________ ________ ___________ _________
- When Kevin finally arrived in Boston that evening, I was sitting up, looking perfectly healthy, watching the Red Sox play Game 4 against the Dodgers.
- During the 3 days I was in the hospital, I had over 16 vials of blood taken. I had two IV’s, with a 3rd put in on Day 3 b/c one collapsed. I had several MRI’s, during one of which the dye leaked into my body cavity, causing a LOT of pain. Although my doctors and family already knew and I was told – I didn’t have the word “stroke” in my vocabulary until I was leaving the hospital… It was like the word didn’t exist and yet I was searching for something to describe what was happening to me.
- It was a pre-Covid life… I had visitors I didn’t recognize at first. A major stroke effect was that I could only see half of everyone’s face. I had countless doctors, interns and students stop by to “study” the young stroke patient. I remembered very few details during any of those visits…
Ultimately, I headed home with some side effects. I believed I’d be ready to work in a day or so… My brain decided the side effects were insignificant. That prediction wasn’t the best I ever made… lol. It took a bit longer to head back to work….
After wearing a heart-monitor for a month, it was determined I had a PFO (a small hole in my heart). With my other indicators, it was recommended I have surgery to close the opening. In all honestly, all the tests were more difficult than the surgery! I’m glad it’s all behind me.
In the coming months, it was determined I had two strokes which affected two parts of my brain. What was believed to be completely unrelated became very connected; including my optic nerve stroke from 2 years earlier. Everything started making sense as I learned to live life with my new (invisible-to-you) side effects….
Memory: If I had a dollar for every time folks have told me they struggle with their memory: “It’s just old age!!” I would be a VERrrrryryyy rich girl. However, this is much different. My struggle to remember details, moments, places, events, etc… has become exponentially more challenging!
Word Retrieval: This actually has been funny. There are (many) certain words I struggle with. All the time. Even now, as I type an example, I want to say amnesia.. or amniocentisis…. but the word I often need after all these procedures has been … … … ANESTHESIA!!! Ugh. I usually get the first letter right but after that, it’s a crapshoot.
Focus: What was I talking about? My focus used to be laser-sharp. Then, I experienced the same focus decline that happens when someone lives a tethered life. However, StrokeFocus is a different animal altogether. I have to employ a TON of self-talk to stay in the moment, on the page, with the conversation… Not easy.
Eyesight: Thankfully, my eyesight has improved significantly. At first, I was left with more than 1/4 of my visual field obliterated. I was seeing half-faces… half-signs… half-words… half a television…. half-dinnerplates… My brain started learning to fill in the blind gaps. There were times I’d open the same vanity drawer looking for a hairbrush, yet would not see it until the 4th pull. Multiply that situation x100… keys…. glasses… tools…. keys…. utensils… links…. chapstick… keys… etc….
Calendar/Executive Skills: The second stroke diagnosis did not come until 2 months after my stroke. I was already suffering from Calendar challenges…. Missing appointments… Forgetting appointments… Showing up days or hours early or late… I couldn’t find bills I filed. I couldn’t find important paperwork. My age-old file systems were a mystery to me…
Reading: This was one of the most difficult. Multiple tests determined I was struggling with convergence (the ability for both eyes to see the same image/text/picture) and tracking (the ability to follow from one line of text to the next). When the stroke first happened, I could not see the end of a word as I read it… “artificial” could turn into Christmas Tree, Sweeteners or Intelligence…. I learned to slow down to read the whole word, then the whole phrase, then the whole sentence… before comprehending a whole paragraph. I have been a voracious reader since I was a young child. Struggling with reading is something I never experienced, or understood. Until my stroke.
Now let me remind you… I have both anxiety and depression. If either are flaring up, then these side effects bubble fiercely to the top, making management nearly impossible. I’ve had to better recognize the signs so I can employ my self-care skills to calm me (and my side-effects) down.
So, why I am I so thankful????
I know. This list of side effects is not fun. I am not thrilled at the length of the list or for the items on it.
However, I recognize how fortunate I am.
💙 I am finally able to understand what my students struggle with when it comes to reading, and executive functioning and focus. I supported students just like me for years and years, but I never knew how it felt. Until now.
💙 My (struggling for the word….) features? Symptoms? Side effects are manageable and mostly invisible. Unless I am forthcoming, no one knows I’ve had a stroke.
💙 I’ve made some incredible connections – I’m not the only stroke survivor, or medically challenged person of 2019! I’ve bonded with others who have their own struggles, challenges and stories. I value those connections!!
💙 I have scaled back, found boundaries, said no…. My professional life no longer overpowers my personal life.
💙 The outpouring of positive support I experienced was overwhelming… I believe that was a HUGE part of my healing process.
💙 I have lost weight, I eat better, I drink less. I still have a ways to go when it comes to self-improvement and strengthening relationships… but I have made significant progress.
So, a year later? What message do I want to share???
KNOW THE SIGNS!! I sure didn’t. If Chris and Courtney were not in our little cottage that day, I probably would have just laid down for a while to see if I’d feel better. That would have been a HUGE mistake. I am forever grateful to them. 💙💙
If you’re still with me, take a minute to visit this link to review Stroke Symptoms. Heck, read it regularly!!!
https://m.activebeat.com/your-health/10-common-symptoms-of-a-stroke/?utm_pagetype=long
Photos in this post were all taken by Kevin today – one year post-stroke. Neither of us wish to repeat that day, so it feels good to post positive images. Many thanks to him for his support this past year.
🦋 Simply, Suzy
